Military Intelligence, meet Military Stupidity

Trump and Hegseth's bad reviews just keep on coming

Back when high military rank was reserved for the well-off and well-connected, the officer ranks were chock-full of wealthy, incompetent fools. (cartoon by George Cruikshank, 1835))

Anyone capable of reading facial expressions could have figured out that the commanders who witnessed the Hegseth Trump Show at Quantico a couple of million news cycles ago were not impressed. At the time, I made some somewhat-educated conjectures as to why they hated it so much. Because I like military history and have a library card, I got a few of them right. This was confirmed by a very unlikely source: The Washington Times, a newspaper that leans as far right as you can go without tumbling over into Alex Jones-style lunacy.

Paradoxically, the paper’s extreme conservatism seems to have made it a safe space for disgusted (and unnamed) military brass to share their real feelings about the inept primate dominance display they’d been forced to endure.

Per the Washington Times:

“The Quantico speech — described by other sources as “embarrassing” and theatrical to a degree that “is below our institution” — seemed to crystallize beliefs about Mr. Hegseth that had taken root among some senior officers”

Looks like the “yeah, no” is coming from inside the building.

I also surmised that Hesgeth’s ‘anti-woke/anti-DEI’ views on military promotion wouldn’t go over as well among you might expect, and some of the feedback confirmed it.

“Across the services, we are bleeding talent, talented generals and flag officers, for what appears to be the opposite of a meritocracy.”

Why a ‘Woke’ Military Works

Hegseth and Trump claim that eliminating DEI initiatives from the military would result in a more meritocratic system. Like most of what they say, this is bullshit. For all the military’s faults, and the unwise ways that Republican presidents have deployed it, our armed forces do a better job recognizing and promoting competence than almost any private sector corporation. That’s why you find many more black people wearing general’s stars in the army than occupying corner offices in Fortune 500 companies. Navy and Air Force pilot training programs have been graduating skilled black aviators ever since Harry Truman desegregated America’s Armed Forces back in the late 1940s. But America’s first black commercial airline pilot, David E. Harris, wasn’t hired until 1964, and only after Earl Warren’s liberal Supreme Court forced the airlines to stop discriminating. The Air Force of 1964 was an imperfect meritocracy; commercial airlines didn’t even try to be.

Why an Anti-Woke Military Promotes Incompetence

Another anonymous senior officer whom the Washington Times interviewed complained,

“There are people being held back from promotions, or being fired, or removed for sometimes unknown reasons, often for favoritism, or just simple relationships.”

This is damning, but unsurprising. Nature abhors a vacuum, so when militaries stop trying to elevate competent people regardless of race, religion or social class, they don’t become impartial meritocracies. They default to the bad old way of doing things. This means promoting people who look and talk the ‘right way,’ have the ‘right’ social background and know the ‘right’ people. If you want to see the results of this system, look at the European armies that battled Napoleon. The officers’ ranks of Prussia, Austria and Russia were top-heavy with aristocrats and titled royalty who could afford the elegant uniforms, noble horses, shiny weapons, attentive servants and other very expensive kit needed to look the part. Never mind class prejudice; middle and lower-class people couldn’t even afford the gear.

If you guessed that this system failed to recognize and promote excellence from the ranks, you’re right. If you guessed that the officers who gained high rank under this system were widely viewed as incompetent fools, you’re right again. The cartoon on the top of this page is just one example of many that show how poorly the public regarded officers who owed their promotions to nepotism and wealth. Another is Gilbert and Sullivan’s 1877 song, “I am the very model of a modern major general” which satirized a common type: an upper-class military officer schooled in classics, but inept at warfare.

"When I have learnt what progress has been made in modern gunnery,
When I know more of tactics than a novice in a nunnery—
In short, when I’ve a smattering of elemental strategy—
You’ll say a better Major-General has never sat a gee¹.
For my military knowledge, though I’m plucky and adventury,
Has only been brought down to the beginning of the century;
But still, in matters vegetable, animal, and mineral,
I am the very model of a modern Major-General."

If All You Have is Warrior Ethos, Every Problem Looks Like a Pushup

Another complaint that many attendees had about Hegseth’s cringe performance was his obsession with “junior officer level” concerns like fitness and grooming instead of…oh, I don’t know… the strategic direction of the world’s largest military, maybe? One leader cut to the chase thusly:

“It’s not about fucking haircuts”

Commanders know the defense realities they’re dealing with. China is throwing its considerable naval weight around in the Pacific. Cyber war exposes new threats and opportunities, and Ukraine’s highly inclusive military is rewriting land based military doctrine while chewing up Russia’s macho armies with drone warfare and innovative battlefield strategy. But try telling Hegseth that—ideally, when he’s sober. It’s as if a Fortune 500 company hired a new CEO only to find out that the new leader is hyper focused on who’s stinking up the break room with burnt microwave popcorn. Sure, it’s a concern, but is it the concern?

I’d wager that it’s not even Hegseth’s obsession with low-grade chickenshit that irks our qualified leaders the most. It’s his apparent belief that having sculpted himself into a dollar-store action figure and adorned his masterpiece with white nationalist tattoos, he now represents the pinnacle of soldierly perfection, and is therefore qualified to browbeat people who know better. Like Trump, who plucked him out of the semi-obscurity of a Fox Weekend cohost gig, he not only doesn’t listen to anyone smarter or better-qualified, he doesn’t believe there IS anyone smarter or better qualified. That’s more than dumb, it’s dangerous.

The Ancient Greeks had a word for that belief, and the behavior it produces. They called it Hubris. People consumed by hubris step on lots of toes, sneer at risks, and imagine they’ll always be immune to consequences. If you look at the hubristic person at the Zenith of their power and success, you might even agree. But that’s just the snapshot of a moment. Their imagined immunity only works until it doesn’t, and in time it won’t. Until then, we organize, plan and keep showing up, so when that moment comes, we’ll be ready for it.

1. "Sat a gee:” Victorian baby talk for “rode a horsey”